bascuse_me

i'm too scared to do what i want to do because i'm already so set in something else and afraid of what other people would think. i'm never going to have fun or be happy. i think of so many things to send into post secret but i never have time or feel they are important enough to actually send.

taken from postsecret...

I wish I could make you see how bad you make me feel all the time. I know you don't mean to make me feel like crap.

Look what I found!

feeling unwanted and unneeded is a bad feeling.

so we were at the apple store in woodfield today (mark and i) and mark noticed some guy who he said was on real world. well... he wasn't. turns out we think he was shane landrum from real world. i got a mighty mouse. it's amazing. it clicks everywhere!

some people want to be independant and do things for themselves... by themselves.



other people just want someone who will do everything with them and not leave them all alone.

Hitler just picked the wrong race. If i had been his best friend, I would have set him straight.

I would give anything to have some of the things people take for granted so much. Sometimes, I just want to relate to other people. I want to get inside their thought processes to see how they deal with things and why they act the way they do. I don't have certain feelings and certain things just don't happen to me so I'm unexperienced and would like to see how it is for other people.

i have absolutely nothing to do. not one thing. no, i'm not tired. of course i'm not tired. i've done nothing all day long. oh well.

i don't feel normal like i see other people. i feel like i don't fit in. i've been told that i fit in just fine, but i don't have the interesting back stories. i can make myself appear to belong but it doesn't ever feel right. so many people around me know so much more and have experience more than i ever had the chance to. i know how i'm looked at. i don't have the stories or the friends. i don't act the same way and i don't have the same instincts. i have morals that other people consider odd. i know. i just want to fit in. i've changed so much and it still isn't enough. sometimes, i just want to run away but all the MANY chances i've had, i've never taken them. something's always been in the way. so many people frustrate me. so many things stay stuck in my mind that i don't want to think about and i know seem unreasonable. i just wish things were different. i miss so much the very small time i spent elsewhere, where it was similar to all of you. i could have related, i could have been a part of something that i feel so detached from. if i had stayed there, i may not have met all of you. i may not have met You. i'm glad i did, but if i hadn't, would i have even known? i've always felt like i wanted to go home. i've tried so many places and tried to make them feel like home and they just haven't. ;i don't think i'll ever find my home.

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the idea of divorce doesn't seem that bad.. two people enter a marriage but then after many years they decide it isn't working out and society has given them an easy alternative. they can just divorce and seek other, happier relationships. its splashed across the media. everyone gets a divorce. more than half of all marriages end in divorce so the couples can separately seek happier lives. we see celebrities get married, separated, divorced, back together, remarried, separated, divorced, married to other people and the endless cycle continues. most of my close friends still have parents that love each other and are still together. i've seen it first hand. their moms and dads make flirty jokes towards one another and spend time with one another and really know what's going on. i feel like the starved third-world child who has to watch some fat person eat cake. i'll never have the cake and won't die from being without it but still feel like my life isn't complete without it. and i just watch so many other people with their cake. its wrong to be jealous. the media makes it seem like not a big deal, but they don't take into account all of the me's there are. all of the people who are affected. its just hard to deal with.

my big sunglasses block what i don't want others to see

I don't know why it upsets me so much. It just does. I'll try and get over it. :(

Happy 4th of July!!!

Hooray for friends, seeing all your family, eating outside, bar-b-ques, swimming, fireworks, parties, and loads of fun!!





maybe someday i'll get to have all that.

I've been thinking about you a lot. I usually do. I get jealous of all the things you've done and the people you've done them with. But, I thought about it more and if I had taken more chances and started earlier I probably would have done more things too so I don't blame you for what you've done. I'm a jealous person and I don't like that.

I was watching Live with Regis and Kelly today like I often do and I realized something. I noticed the look in the guest's face as Regis was talking to him and I realized that if I ever went on that show, I would be utterly terrified of Regis. So scared I wouldn't be able to speak.

What do you do when you make plans with that boy and then he cancels? You go to the Yo-Yo Ma concert with Brian in Millinnium Park instead.

I guess I should know by now not to get my hopes up. You don't want to see me.